Friday, August 12, 2005
Lessons From Being Older
As I’ve matured, I’ve learned:
• You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
• It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
• You shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
• We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
• Regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
• No matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get arrested and end up in the local paper.
• Never, under ANY circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved (and never will achieve) its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
• There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
• You should not confuse your career / job with your life.
• No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
• When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
• Never lick a steak knife.
• Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
• The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
• The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
• A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
• 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
• Your family and true friends love you, no matter what.
