Internet Jokes, Quips, Musings & Thoughts

• 43% of all statistics are useless.
• A man doesn't automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
• A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
• A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
• A smooth sea never made a skilful sailor.
• Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
• Don't question authority. It hasn't got a clue!
• Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
• Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to get a job.
• Frogs have it easy; they can eat what bugs them.
• He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
• He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.
• How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
• How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.
• I doubt, therefore I might be.
• I know. I know. People say, "It's the thought that counts, not the gift," but couldn't people think a bit bigger?!
• I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime next door complained.
• I used to be clueless about math, but I turned that around 360 degrees.
• I used to be conceited, but now I'm absolutely perfect.
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
• I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off.
• If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
• If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
• Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're okay, you're it.
• The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
• Who are these people that have the time to figure out how many of ANYTHING placed end-to-end would circle the planet?
• Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts, like ties and fur coats."
• "Write a wise saying and your name will live forever." – Anonymous
• Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.

# posted by unclechong @ 12:55 pm